A Moonlight's Heartache
by Yui-Mag
Summary: Touya's story... why he's so protective of Sakura and quiet himself.


Disclaimer: All the characters used in this story are not of my own creation. They belong to CLAMP. The lyrics are from Natalie Imbruglia's first cd, Smoke (hopefully I haven't just massacred the spelling of her name!)

Ch.1

Touya closed his eyes for a moment, hiding their brown worried complexion from the world. Yuki looked up from his book with a small smile that faded from his lips when he saw his friend's stony composure crumble slowly with the heaving of his broad shoulders.

"To-ya?" He asked gently. The taller boy looked up and gave his usual 'I'm fine' look before returning to the math problem that they had been stuck on for the past half hour. This time though, Touya's quiet look didn't seem to have the affect of closing the discussion before it even started. "Are you all right?" Yuki pushed the question out into the air, opening the subject up again.

"Of course." Touya muttered, never looking up. "I'm just sick of this problem…that's all." He managed a grin and Yuki answered it with a half smile of his own. The pale boy that had been perched in his usual spot, on the floor while Touya remained on the bed, got up as graceful as what he truly was --an angel-- and went to his dark haired friend. Sitting beside him, Yuki pushed Touya's book away and caused surprise to filter through Touya's features.

"I don't believe you." Yuki stated, smile still on his face though the worry was now clearly visible in his amber eyes. Touya's eyes widened but when he tried to say something nothing came out—  
but memories…

_My lullaby…_

The boy was cheerful as he helped, or tried to help, his mother in the kitchen. It was fun to be there with her. It was the only time that he felt he was truly safe.  
The only time when the pale figures couldn't walk through him or whisper words to him that only he could hear.

And anyways, the kitchen held many objects that could do interesting things… like bubbles… white powder that would fly in the air when you blew upon it and made it look like it was snowing. The smells-- the tasty goodies that were always within reach. He smiled and nodded to himself as he handed his Okaa-san the plastic cup-which he had been trying to dry the best he could. A small drop of water fell onto his nose as he lifted it up to her and she smiled, wiping the evidence before he could even comprehend what had happened.

"Arigatou Touya…" She said gently, placing the cup back in its place. "Otto-san will be so happy." The woman whispered more to herself than to her son that was regarding her with total pride at what he had accomplished. "Well, we're done here. Would you like to come play with me?" She asked and was answered by a very forceful shake of the head. She leaned over and picked up her three year old son in her arms before heading over to the living room where a gleaming black piano lay there in wait to be played. She settled the little boy on the bench and smiled as she watched a transformation in her son occur. A silent seriousness befell his features and he stopped squirming.

If there was one thing that she could be sure about, it was that her son would be great at whatever he chose to do… piano or otherwise…

…_hung out to dry…_

'A baby sister.' He had a baby sister. He smiled as the realization hit him and the small, quiet baby was placed in his arms once he was seated in the couch. He couldn't help but feel proud as he held her close and when he glanced up, only love looked back at him through his parents' eyes. He'd never been that happy before.

He'd fight to protect such happiness.

No ghosts, no men, no boys… anyone would ever be able to break this happiness.

"I'm your big brother…" He said quietly. "I'm gonna protect you so you don't have to be afraid of anything… ever." The little girl moved in her sleep and a smile formed on the pale pinkish features as if she truly had heard and understood what the seven-year-old boy had spoken in her ear.

_What's up with that?_

Okaa-san was sick. No ghosts needed to tell him that nor Otto-san for that matter. He could see it in her eyes and in the way she moved. The ghosts stayed near her now, always. He moved into the kitchen carefully and stepped onto a cardboard box that lately he had been using to get the extra height he still lacked. Otto-san worked later and later nowadays. They needed more money and Okaa-san… was sick. But she kept smiling. 'Hai, we all have to keep smiling.' He thought pensively as he reached for the ingredients to make the dinner. Sakura doesn't know.

And she has to be happy.

'Because I… I promised…to protect you…' The brown eyes closed. Long gone were the days of simple laughter and cheerfulness.

"Onii-chan…" A small voice came and tickled his senses. "I'm hungry…" He turned around and gave a smile.

"Hai, hai."

_It's over._

He held onto her hand with dear life, scared for an instant that along with the closing of his mother's coffin, Sakura and Otto-san would disappear as well and that he'd be alone with the ghosts. Cause the ghosts were still there…

Still talking

Whispering

Everywhere…

They were scaring his little sister.

And Okaa-san was gone.

Sakura gave a soft cry of distress. The sound was so far away in the midst of so many whispers.

Please take care of them for me Touya… please…

'Nani? Take care of…' He felt warmth wrap around him for a moment, as if he was reliving his mother's last hug to him.

Please be strong…

'…whom?' But the answer was gone as well as the hug and the whispers. There was another sound, now drowning the rest of the noise. He looked down at the small hand that was in his and at the small face that was shining in its own tears. He squeezed that hand a little.

"Okaa-san's in heaven Sakura. It's all white and pretty there. Do you know why she's there Sakura?" He knelt to her, not caring if his black pants were getting soiled. He wiped away a tear as she shook her head. "Because she was happy… she was happy with us and now she's in a place where no one can hurt her and she can watch over us." She sniffled and looked at him with large pained eyes that were trying to comprehend his words.

"Okaa-san's happy?" He nodded. His pain could be pushed aside… "White pretty place?" He nodded again. Her lower lip stuck out and started to tremble again. "Why can't we…"

"You'll make Okaa-san worry if you're so sad." He shushed her before she could continue. "Come Sakura… let's go home." A large hand pressed itself onto his back and when Touya looked up, his father's gentle smile greeted him.

"Yes… let's go home."

_Where are you dad?_

_Mum's looking sad…_

Touya looked at the clock again with almost despair burning in his chest. Otto-san was late again. He was always late now. It was as if the man had nothing to come home to anymore.

'But I'm here!' Touya wanted to shout. 'I'm here and so is Sakura…we need you. We need our Otto-san.' The boy stayed quiet though and waited as he usually did for his Otto-san to come home. Dinner had been made and eaten, Sakura had been put to bed. Now all he had to do was come home. The leftover kept for him could be reheated…

/Come home./

Touya rested his chin on his arm that he had propped up on the table's surface.

/Please come home./

It was lonely in the house without Sakura's cheerful presence to ward off the ghosts. It was cold being so alone with death surrounding him. He was so tired…

A piano key jangled a bit out of tune. Touya had avoided the instrument like the plague ever since his mother had left him. It hurt too much to touch the ivory keys… it hurt too much to hear the tunes and his mother's sweet voice that could only be heard in his memory now. But someone had touched the piano. Touya stood up, pushing the chair away from him with his right hand.

"Sakura." He started gently, a stern tone ready to be used if the little girl was out of bed. "You should be sleeping you know…" He trailed off as he came into the living room and saw the pearly light outline of someone that was way too familiar, way too missed. "Okaa-san…" Tears that he'd never allowed himself to shed started to sting his eyes. It was too cruel. "Okaa-san…" He whispered, his hand rising from his side and reaching out. The figure turned to face him and the smile that he was so used to was faded, worry instead replacing it. The mouth opened and a soft wind passed by him along with a whisper.

Touya…

"I'm trying Okaa-san." He whispered fast, afraid she was going to leave him again with a reproach. "I'm trying so hard to be brave Okaa-san… but…" There was moisture trickling down his face. He lifted his arm and hid his face, letting the fabric of his pj absorb the tears.

A door was opened and his Otto-san came in, a tired smile already placed on his face. The smile was always on his face. Looking fake, looking tired, looking sad… no matter what though the smile always stayed on. It didn't even fade as surprise slapped the man in the face as he saw his ten year old son still up, near the piano that he'd been avoiding since… since…

"Touya?" The man asked gently. The boy looked up, eyes wide.

"Otto-san!" The boy looked around the room as if someone else was supposed to be at his side.

"What are you doing still up?"

"I… I was waiting for you." The boy muttered. "Dinner's on the table." And before anything else could be said, the boy ran out of the room, his bedroom door closing before the father could think of something to say. The man slowly sank to the ground and sighed painfully.

"I don't know what to do… I try to be happy. I promised you that… but it's so hard… so hard… I don't think I can take care of them without you here…" The ghostly figure moved forward, her arms wrapping themselves around him, her tears mixing with his, unknown.

_What's up with that? It's dark in here… _

Touya wiped the tiredness from his eyes and bit back the yawn that wanted so desperately to escape from his mouth. Soccer practice had been long and Sakura needed to be picked up from school. His legs ached and he heaved a sigh. There was a shortcut he could take… He glanced at the dark forest and grimaced.

It was cold there.

It was lonely there.

He moved away from the darkness and the whispers. He'd take the long way and jog. He let his legs take over and tried to blank his mind from any event that had occurred that day.

A small smile fled over his face when he realized that he had finally arrived. Sakura greeted him as she usually did, smile on her face and an energetic hug that would almost always force the air out of his lungs.

"Onii-chan… guess what? We got to draw today and we did…" Her voice trailed off as he heaved her onto his back and they started on their way home. He wasn't ignoring her… he just had to concentrate on something. Getting home for starters. He winced as she elbowed him accidentally in his back. They moved on and on… until they reached their home, lit within surprisingly. "Otto-san's home! Yay! Yay!" She wormed around, trying to get down while Touya was stuck to the spot in surprise.

"Welcome home." Their father's soft voice sounded out. "I have some news to tell all of you." Touya's heart sank. He didn't like this… He sunk to the ground, letting Sakura get off, bounding towards their dad with open happiness. "Coming in Touya?"

"Hai!" He brushed his hands off on his shorts before moving toward the door. Once he entered, he was surprised again to find out that his father had cooked dinner.

"I wanted to let you know, we'll be moving in a year. I found a new job and…" Touya's eyes widened and he looked to the piano room, seeing the pale figure of his mother there. They were leaving?

Leaving?

Why?

_Why bleeding is breathing… _

Two year had passed, gone and with it something he'd thought he'd hidden away, his heart. They'd arrived in their new home filled with even more whispers than before and the dark forest that had haunted him in their old home had been no where near as bad as the one that they now resided near… Penguin Park.

It didn't help that Sakura could feel them too now. She could feel their cold hands pressing against her live warm ones. He glared at them, wishing that they could just leave and go to where they should be. There had been another blow besides everything else. His Okaa-san had left… she truly had gone to the white place Touya had said she had gone to. She had left because she was assured now that everything was okay… for Sakura.

He sighed and let his head rest against the window pane of his room's.

He wanted to stop thinking.

He wanted to just rest…

But as he closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing, _her_ eyes filed into his mind. Not his mother's… but the woman who had made him realize it was ok to feel. It was ok to open up… to be him. And not the older brother. The responsible son. Just him.

Her soft voice… teasing and knowing filtered over him.

Her soft touch…

She was gone.

Gone to England to be a teacher there. He snapped his eyes open. The only person who had truly understood him or so he had thought, had left him.

He was bleeding inside… broken heart.

Damn it.

He was stronger than this. He was used to being alone.

Still…

It hurt to breathe.

It always hurt to breathe…

He looked ahead and concentrated on nothing…everything…

_You're hiding…underneath the smoke in the room…_

Amber eyes.

Silver eyes

A flash of white and silver… feathers… wings…

Warmth and coldness clashing.

It was Touya's first day in high school and already something weird was happening. He looked again at the new boy sitting across from him and continued seeing the double image. He shook his head and decided that sitting down might be a good thing. They were on lunch break but Touya, when he'd realized that everyone was heading outside, had decided that staying in the classroom was better. He didn't want to share in the others' reunion, laughter, and pettiness that surrounded all of them. He'd prefer the solitude. Yet… that strange boy had stayed, eating quietly and sometimes looking at Touya with a small smile and clearly a questioning look, wondering why Touya had started pacing. The boy's presence felt like Kaho's. Same gentle flow… like moonlight.

"Are you alright?" A soft voice asked him, worried. He looked up and saw the amber eyes quite clearly now, the silver ones fading from sight.

"Uh… yeah." Touya answered, surprised. The boy was so pale… Touya noticed irrationally. He wished the sense of power he got from him would leave. It was confusing him.

"I'm glad." The boy muttered softly with a smile. Shyness? "I'm Yukito."

"Kinomoto Touya." He responded almost automatically to the exchange in names. The boy tilted his head to the side slightly and continued to smile.

"…Touya…"

_Try, bleeding is believing…  
I used too_

He had once believed that love could heal anything. That love would be all that one truly needed.

But after his mother had died, after he had lost his father in a way because of his mother's death, and after Kaho had left him… He no longer believed.

He no longer wanted to believe that he would need someone.

He didn't.

It was a simple as that. And yet… Amber eyes looked at him warmly, clearly trusting him with whatever the boy was willing to offer. Friendship…

But Touya wanted to be alone.

Alone…

Leaving no room in his life for an amber eyed guy who irrationally reminded him of the moon.

And yet Yukito left him with no choice but to accept him. The boy's soft presence soothed him in a way not even Kaho's had and at the same time, irritated him because he _knew…_ he knew that he wanted to open up to this stranger.

And yet that meant getting hurt. Touya bit off a sigh and resumed cutting the vegetables for supper.

_My mouth is dry_

Even though he'd promised himself to stay away from Yukito, he broke that promise to himself the second he was given a chance to. The pale figure came and sat next to him during class, during lunch, watched him from afar during soccer practice… sometimes joining them and showing real skill for the sport and sometimes just smiling at them. At him.

And it confused Touya.

It scared him.

He looked up from tying his shoes and found amber eyes looking at him with a slightly nervous look.

"Hi Touya." Yukito started gently. The brunette nodded his own response to the greeting choosing to remain silent. "Are you doing anything now that practice is over?"

"Yes." He stated bluntly. He saw the disappointment in the pale face and reacted to it without even realizing it. "But it's just picking up my kid sister from school. She's a monster. But if you think you can handle her, you can come over." He offered and then cursed at himself. What the hell was he doing? A slow smile made its way on Yukito's face.

"I'd like that."

To be continued…


End file.
